


Look at me (the way you look at him)

by ElizaStyx



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Cockles, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 00:46:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2130696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaStyx/pseuds/ElizaStyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misha and Sebastian are now official and Jensen has a very hard time pretending he's happy for them. He had been hiding his feelings since forever but now it becomes almost unbearable. He loves Misha though and if this relationship makes the man happy then who is Jensen to destroy his apple-pie life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look at me (the way you look at him)

Jensen couldn't believe neither his eyes nor ears. _It must be a nightmare. I am dreaming and this is a nightmare._ he thought.  
It wasn't though. Misha and Sebastian really were kissing right before him while the whole cast and crew was cheering. All of them except Jensen who was feeling like he had just been stabbed in the heart. Jared was clapping his hands and being all the puppy-eyed ray of sunshine he usually was until he realised that something's very wrong with the other half of J2.  
"Jen?" he touched Jensen's shoulder seriously worried.  
Jensen shook his head trying to get himself out of the shock and then produced a faint smile. "Don't worry, dude. Got a system lag but now I'm back." he said looking at Jared's honestly concerned face.  
Jared raised his eyebrow but Jensen seemed to be okay so he just turned back to join the cheering crowd.

Jensen never had a harder time playing a happy man before.

It wasn't Misha's fault that Jensen fell for him so badly. Misha was just being his adorable self all the time, always smiling, joking and doing many admirable things for charity with the full devotion. For Jensen Misha was the very definiton of perfection as bold and open as Jen always wanted to be. It was not Misha's fault that Jensen imagined there was something more to the touches, looks and kisses they exchanged obviously as jokes or purely friendly gestures.  
He just couldn't believe he had been so blind he hadn't seen that Misha looked at Sebastian in a different way. Not at him, shy pretty boy, but at this man as bold and charismatic as Misha himself. Jensen fully understood that choice, he would probably also choose Sebastian over himself.

That understanding didn't ease his pain though. It only made it harder to smile while he knew he was the greatest loser in the world.

***

Few days have passed but Jensen Ackles still wasn't dealing with the situation any better. Of course he managed to play Dean as always, it even seemed to help him, being Winchester most of the time, especially when he had to stare at Misha, but was of no use when he hit his trailer alone in the evenings.  
He couldn't help imagining what Sebastian and Misha were doing at that time and the only thing that helped him turn those thoughts off was alcohol.

After twelve hours on the set Jensen reached his trailer and without second thoughts pulled three bottles of beer out of the fridge. He turned the music on to cover the silence and sat down on his bed, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath. The faster he would be able to stop thinking and fall asleep, the less time he had to feel his stupid heart bleed because of his even more stupid love for Misha.  
He took a sip and lied down, spreading his arms wide, breathing slowly, when he heard a knockk on the door. He considered pretending to be asleep but the lights were still on and besides, it could have been Jared eager to cheer him up with some pizza and share a drink or two so he stood up and opened the door only to find Misha Collins grinning widely right before his eyes.

"May I come in?" he asked not discouraged by Jensen's obviously panicked face.  
Ackles wasn't able to utter a single word so he just let Misha in, taking a step back. The dark haired man took a look around as if he had never been in Jensen's trailer before. When their eyes met, Jensen noticed a mischievous twinkle telling him that Misha had been drinking something before he came. This made him frown slightly with surprise. He had never seen Collins really drunk before, that man didn't need any cheering up, like ever. Something was clearly not okay. In the meantime Misha sat on the couch and put his legs on the small table almost making the beer fall down and crash on the floor.

"May I?" he asked pointing at the bottle.  
"Sure." Jensen was a little worried but also intrigued.  
Misha opened the bottle and drunk the whole thing without a single break to take a breath. Jensen blinked in shock.  
"I need this" Misha waved the bottle. "to get my courage."  
Jensen felt he needed to sit down so he fell on the stool.  
"Man..." he said, his voice unnaturaly calm. "Are you gonna propose or what?"  
Misha looked at him as if he was somehow impressed. "Something like that, yes." he nodded.

Jensen felt his heart stop for a second and wished it never started beating again. So this was it, the end of all hope. He managed to smile and then whispered to himself "Now **I** need a drink."  
Misha heard him. "Why is that?"  
Jensen froze but then realised he had nothing to lose "Would you believe if I told you I'll drink to your happiness?"  
"Shouldn't I?" Misha squinted, a little cramp of a muscle on his cheek betraying that he wanted to smile.  
Jensen exhaled heavily, losing his mask of false joy. He was so tired of pretending.

"No, you shouldn't. I'm sorry but I can't be happy for you." he hid his face in his hands, missing the little glimpse of hope that showed on Misha's face. "I... I just..." continued Jensen encouraged by silence. "I can't smile when I see you kissing another man, see you looking that way at someone else." he raised his head to look at Misha with his eyes full of unwanted tears he couldn't hold. "I always thought we had something special, that maybe one day we could..."  
Misha took his legs off of the table and leaning towards him, asked "We could... what?" his voice stifled, lips pale and eyes wide open.  
"We could be together..." whispered Jensen suddenly afraid this may be the end of their friendship he never wished to lose.

He watched Misha carefuly and held his breath as Collins slowly started to grin wider and wider and finally laughed out loud.  
 _He's gonna mock me 'til the end of my life..._ thought Jensen bitterly, blushing and feeling like an idiot.  
"You are such a massive dork, Jen!" Misha finally spoke, making him die on the inside. "What were you waiting for? I even started to think I might actually have to propose to Seb to force you to act!" he wiped the tears of joy out of his eyes and suddenly looking very sober, stared right into Jensen's soul.

Jensen could not proceed what he had just heard. Did Misha really just say that he wanted him to confess? Did it mean that Misha...?  
"It was about you, Jen, all about you." Misha was now very serious. "I wasn't sure if you really felt anything for me since you never made a step forward so I asked Sebastian to help me force you to react. I almost lost all hope when the fourth day had passed and you still seemed unmoved." he placed his hand on Jensen's knee. "I came here to make sure you really weren't interested and I just have been imagining all I thought we had." he looked down at their hands as Jensen now placed his on Misha's and then raised his head to see his still shocked face. "Turns out I wasn't the only daydreamer around here."

Jensen closed his mouth, regaining his courage.   
"I think I love you, Mish." he whispered, blushing and shyly looking him in the eyes.  
Misha's smile was now soft, blue eyes flickering with emotion.   
"I'm glad to hear that, Jen. And guess what? I love you too." he murmured, leaning forward to steal the first sweet kiss.


End file.
